Every day, I make the trek to the mail box. After arriving, I dig around in my car for the key, climb out into the now rather bracing fall air, look for the mailbox with a wad of now black bubble gum stuck to it. Mine is the mailbox right below the one with the wad of nasty black goo. Then I open it, eagerly anticipating something wonderful. I don't know why I look forward to checking the mail so much. All that is ever there are bills, medical journals that get placed on the already high mountain of unread medical journals, and of course junk mail.
The junk mail promises all kinds of wonderful things. Some lead me to believe that I've just won millions. All I need to do is mail this little form in, and oh, by the way, returning the form automatically signs you up for delivery of their wonderful overpriced product.
Then there are the student loan people who promise you thousands of dollars just for switching your loans over to them. All these are disguised to appear as though they're official mailings from the US government.
Then there are the credit card applications. The key to happiness involves simply filling out the application, and unlimited spending power will be yours.
I could go on. However, I have now come to anticipate the junk mail the most eagerly out of all the things that I receive in the mail. A few months back, I had the startling realization that most of these irresistible offers came with a postage-paid envelope to make your reply more convenient.
Now I send them all kinds of wonderful things to thank them for sending me their kind offers. I've sent a bunch of tracts from church, other times I've just stuffed their propaganda back in the envelope and sent it back to them. Even my cat has made a few contributions with some of her hair. Once she was even kind enough to send them the label from her cat food bag. I'm so proud of her for being so selfless
I really love checking the mail.
